Something really did break in me two nights ago. I don't know what it is. But something in me is breaking. And I'm not talking about breaking down and crying and begging her to take me back either. I'm talking bout something in me snapped out of my wooo is me attitude. I'm living life for me now. Yes I love her yes I want to be with her. But I have my pride and I can't keep putting myself through this shit. I'm more pissed than sad anymore. It's been over a week. And everyday it is something new with her. One day it is I do love you and will come for you and a few nights ago she didn't know if she wanted to be married anymore. So fuck it! She knows my number, she knows where I'm living! And that is all I have to say about that!
Wow! That felt extremely good to say!
So on a happier note! My sister Angel and I had so much fun this weekend! I love spending time with her! Her boyfriend came over and we all had a blast watching movies and just goofing off! And it was nice not to have 'her' on the brain. I mean I don't cry over her anymore. A few nights ago yes I did finally break down and yes I finally cried! But that is when I snapped! That is why I decided that it's not worth crying over. I've done everything I can and now it is all in her hands. And until she decides to get her head out of her ass and stop 'playing' games fuck it. I'm going to live my life for the moment and not regret anything. And that is exactly what I needed to realize! There's endless possibiltes for me here. And if she wants to be apart of my life again she will need to change. I'm not the one who changed or did anything wrong in this relationship and I finally realize that now! I didn't break down and text or call her at all yesterday. I'm letting her have that space that she so deserves and desiers and we'll take it from there. But I'm not going to just sit here and wallow in all of this. I mean don't get me wrong, I still consider myself very much married. I'm not out getting a replacement. I do want things to work out and I want to be with her. But I have to show her that my life can't stop. And it feels so refreshing! I love her and always will.. but seriously she needs to figure herself out and figure things out for herself.