Well life has been pretty much the same around here. I don't really get out of the house to often. I sit around I work and that is pretty much it so far. Did get to go almost into Atlanta few days back and went to Fort Mountain Park with the Family. Not sure if I have mentioned that in my last post or not.
This is getting better day by day. Was sick the past couple of days with a tummy thing. But all better today.
Haven't talked to the ex until today. She called me to let me know I got some mail. Boy was that hard. It took everything in me to stay calm. My heart was pounding, my blood was racing, and all I could think of was how beautiful she sounded on the other end of the phone. All I wanted to do is reach thru the miles between us and hold her, touch her. I miss her so much yet I hide it so well. I don't honestly know how I do it at times. But everyday is getting better, then boom something happens.
I walked in on my sister Angel listening to Edwin McCain's I'll be song and broke down yesterday. It was the song that I walked down the aisle to. Not even a year ago yet. And for me to hear that song was like a brick wall just fell on me. It kills me. I put the photo albums away. I hid every ounce of her from my sight and yet she haunts me like a drug. Like something I just can't shake. I've never had someone have this hold on me. It's like no matter how hard I try I can't shake it. Why is it so hard? But yet I try so hard to forget her, to forget the good times forget the bad times. But something out there always brings her right back to the frontal lobe of my brain haunting me, teasing my emotions. I don't like it at all.
If you can't tell this is a day where all I want to do is curl up into a ball and just hide. Want to forget she ever existed. Forget that part of my life happend like it was just a dream. A very vivid and real dream tho. So real that I can still feel the pulse, the throb the hurt. Feel it all. Because it wasn't a dream It was my reality. And I wish it wasn't.