Thanks everyone for your kind words. Sorry that I haven't blogged lately. I've been trying to wrap my head around everything at the moment. Right now is the first that I've sat down in front of the computer to write.
The wife and I are still together and some days are definatly better than others. I'm honestly not sure what is going on in her head and if I had the ability to read her mind I would. But I don't so I can only guess. Which isn't what I want to do at all. I want her to tell me in a way and in others I'm scared to hear it. She tells me that she loves me. But we haven't talked about the 'not in love with me' part since. I spent two or maybe three days crying and trying to figure out what I had done, if it was my fault. Then I realized something. I was doing exactly what I shouldn't and what I've done in the past relationships I've had. I refuse to let myself be down about this. But yet sometimes I just can't help it. Honestly I'm mixed up. Way mixed up and it's really just starting to piss me off. I'm sad about her not being in love with me, I really am. But there comes this point when you stop being sad without realizing it and you just get pissed off. It feels like head games to me. And I'm not one for games. I asked her honestly if our commitment ceremony meant anything to her at all and she said 'It was what it was at the time' So whatever the fuck that means. She knows I'm here and I took those vows 100% seriously. And she knows I'm not going anywhere until she tells me to. But at the same time... I wonder... Well I wonder a lot of things. So at this point I'm pissed, I'm sad, I'm emotional... Well frankly I'm a fucking wreck! And I fucking hate it!