Thanks everyone for your kind words. Sorry that I haven't blogged lately. I've been trying to wrap my head around everything at the moment. Right now is the first that I've sat down in front of the computer to write.
The wife and I are still together and some days are definatly better than others. I'm honestly not sure what is going on in her head and if I had the ability to read her mind I would. But I don't so I can only guess. Which isn't what I want to do at all. I want her to tell me in a way and in others I'm scared to hear it. She tells me that she loves me. But we haven't talked about the 'not in love with me' part since. I spent two or maybe three days crying and trying to figure out what I had done, if it was my fault. Then I realized something. I was doing exactly what I shouldn't and what I've done in the past relationships I've had. I refuse to let myself be down about this. But yet sometimes I just can't help it. Honestly I'm mixed up. Way mixed up and it's really just starting to piss me off. I'm sad about her not being in love with me, I really am. But there comes this point when you stop being sad without realizing it and you just get pissed off. It feels like head games to me. And I'm not one for games. I asked her honestly if our commitment ceremony meant anything to her at all and she said 'It was what it was at the time' So whatever the fuck that means. She knows I'm here and I took those vows 100% seriously. And she knows I'm not going anywhere until she tells me to. But at the same time... I wonder... Well I wonder a lot of things. So at this point I'm pissed, I'm sad, I'm emotional... Well frankly I'm a fucking wreck! And I fucking hate it!
Signing off,
Sabrae Carter
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12 comments:
Sabrae, I just read both posts...I think you are an amazing woman. That you can share your vulnerability that way is truly spectacular. I am so sorry that you are going through all of this. Even though I've only been here a short time, please know I am here for you:) You keep your pimp hand strong, girly:)
I hope there's a way to work through this, it sounds so confusing and painful. Thinking of you and hoping for the best, keep us posted!
Oh Sabre...I'm so sorry. I've been behind in my reading so I had no idea. I hope you two can work it out. Stay true to yourself, okay? You deserve only the best. Hugs to you!
I'm sorry you're still hurting, but I'm glad you posted. I've been worried about you! Good vibes and positive thoughts are being sent your way.
I'm glad you're back to posting. I hope for you only the best and that you guys are able to work through everything and come out on top! Take care of yourself gal!
I am sorry that you are going through this. You are committed to making things better...stay strong. :)
"It was what it was at the time." Ick! I don't blame you for your confusion and possible anger at what seems like head games. You are a strong woman with so much to give, but be sure that you give YOURSELF what it deserves above all else.
I sent you an e-mail this morning but I have more to say, apparently...
It's not possible to maintain the red hot "in love" phase of a relationship forever, but once that's over there's still a chance to build a long-lasting, loving relationship if both people are committed to working through the hard parts. My relationship, which is now wonderful, is the result of many hours of "fighting it out" and definite phases of disillusionment on both sides. So, this could still turn out to be just the next step in the evolution of the relationship.
I can see why you would be confused, hurt and definitely angry.
You take care of yourself and do what YOU need to do.
I wish you the very best.
Just wanted to let you know I am thinking about you. My husband and I went through a rough patch back in 09/2007 and while it took us awhile to work it out, things are now better than ever. Wishing you the best!
I have been behind on my blog reading, and I just caught up with your blog. I am so, so, so sorry that you are going through this right now. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers!
Thinking of you too. Stay strong.
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