Blog Archive

Thursday, December 25, 2008



Hello. Uhm, I'm E from E*Deconstructed

So here's the thing. I've never been asked to guest blog for anyone before and I'm suffering from a mild case of performance anxiety.

Ok, I lie. A huge case! GINORMOUS even. Cue the nightmares about standing naked in front of a classroom full of people. Normally, I have no problems being funny. I exude funny without even trying. But now I'm already on my second paragraph and not a drop of amusing anectode or a single sentence that will induce a genuine "LOL" situation.


Well, it's all downhill from here anyway so hold on to your toboggan and here we go!

I'm short.

Not midget short or anything but in bare feet I stand just a hair above 5ft even. It's ok most of the time...short is cute and cuddly right? I'm lower to the ground and closer to gravity so it helps with the balance problems. I don't ever have to worry about wearing sky-high heels (which I adore) and towering over the guy I'm with. People like to do me favors (aka patronize me) like reach for things and carry heavy objects (although I suspect that last one is because I'm also "little" which is not the same as being "short" and take full advantage of the fact that people think I'm weak). I fit in kid sized clothing, which may not be a big deal to you people but when you are into sports (football to be exact) the difference between fitting into a kid's medium jersy and a women's small is about $20 to $30 dollars...SCORE! But the best thing about being short is this...I am genetically predisposed to be a championship HIDE-and-SEEK player! SERIOUSLY! I fit into a LOT of places most people can't! For example:

1) An extra large Rubbermaid storage container:

2) A large Radioshack shopping bag...and yes, you can close it over my head.
3) Standard kitchen cupboards (the semi big ones that are usually found under the sink) as well as some of the medium ones found above the counter
4) Sports Duffel Bags:

5) Most ten gallon garbage bags and/or garbage cans

6) Wheeled suitcases

7) The compartments in the galley area of some 50ft boats.

8) The compartment you find in the back of smaller cars that...

You know...I don't really know you people reading this blog and I've just given an all inclusive list of places and things that can be conveniently used to store a cold dead body...MY cold dead body

*nervous giggle* I joked....haha, uhm...disregard the previous post. I'm really a 6'2 former defensive tackle named Grid-Iron uhm...stay away!


That was E from E*Deconstructed


PainterMommy said...

That was pretty funny! Thanks for the laugh. :)

aka PainterMommy

Tracy Karol said...

That was hilarious! You do humor really well!

Tracy Karol

Felisa said...

Duffel bags??? Really? I wanna try putting you in the dryer. If that works, we'll try the oven too. Then, we'll try the microwave oven... then my jewelry box.

~E said...

Felisa: Ill save you the trouble and tell you now that except for the microwave and your jewelry box, i fit in both. Trust me...actually, trust my brothers...

That damn expat said...

As I was reading the list, that's exactly what I thought - are you trying to tell us how to dispose of your body?
Great post, buddy!

Being Brazen said...

ha ha ha - funny

DivaMom said...

I am short too. My husband is not and whenever he helps put the groceries away, I have to remind him to NOT put them so high up! LOL He can put his foods up high, but not mine! GRRR! :)

The Unbearable Banishment said...

Would I be able to fit you in a duffel bag and place you (gently) into the overhead bid on an airplane? This could save hundreds (thousands?) in ticket fees.

Shonda Little said...

I'm short enough to fit in those place, sadly, I'm just too wide.

Steve Ballmer said...

Good Blogging!

twinmama said...

I was thinking what The Unbearable Banishment wrote - you could really save some serious cash traveling especially if you fit in carry on luggage.

Great guest post!

~E said...

UB and TwinMAMA: I probably would. But I have yet to find an airline willing to let me climb up there for curiousity sake. Something about "safety hazard" and "inhumane conditions"...whatever, they just wanna keep ripping me off with ticket prices.