Blog Archive

Monday, September 29, 2008

It's only Monday?

Wow! Sunday went by fast! Must be becuz I slpet thru most of it! (side effects of the sleeping pills!) And when I say slept I mean SLEPT! I have to take sleeping pills in order to get a wonderful nights sleep. Problem is.................. they keep me sleeping thru most of my days! Here's the run down.... Say its 11pm and I'm still wide awake after being up since 5am and can't seem to sleep... ok so I down my sleeping pill......... wait for hours then finally conk out around oh 2 or 3 am..... back up at 5am with the wife to get her out the door for work. (on the days she does have to work) then its either back to bed or force myself to stay awake and get to work! But yesterday...... When I take these so called sleeping pills it feels like a train has hit me and I can't move! I mean they really do wonders on my body! I feel like crap and all I want to do is SLEEP! Guess in the sense they are doing their job! :O) But they don't seem to want to work at night !!!! LOL So while the wife was at work today I slept my day away!!! Woke up I think somewhere in the area of like 3pm in the afternoon and totally avoided the computer becuz I just knew by looking at the blackberry that I had a million and one messages just waiting in cyberspace for me to read them or trash them. Took the dogs out and sat down in the living room and turned on Animal Planet.... Then with horror I looked around our one bedroom apt. and realized that I seriously needed to get on the ball and do some house work....but still wanted to go back to bed!!! OMG!!! Really? It was 3pm in the afternoon on sunday and all my lazy butt wanted to do was SLEEP! But I forced the thought of sleep out of my head and went into the kitchen and started the unhealthy task of doing the dishes! (and i say unhealthy only becuz I was dreading it!) Took out the trash. This is always a fun feat for me becuz I mainly have become a loner in my house! lol I hate anything that takes me outside for even a brief second. So house cleaning mainly done I wonder to myself " what to do now?!" Mind you have had no shower at this point and still in my jammies......

I sit back down and watch more Animal Planet. Becuz for some unknown reason there is NEVER anything on TV during the weekends.... and I cant carry on a conversation with my dogs becuz then I would be put in a looney bin for talking to animals..... so I lay motionless on the couch..... then think to myself..... crap.... have to get dinner ready.... Becuz I know that the wife is going to be HUNGRY (when isnt she hungry) when she gets home.... so I take my lazy butt out to the kitchen .... look around.... NOTHING! I cant think of a single thing to make this woman for dinner! So 7:30pm finally rolls around and she is calling me from the road (almost home) and we make plans to go to McDonalds becuz I just don't feel like cooking... Yea I know... I stay home all day long and she works 12 hour shifts.... but I just didnt feel like it..... So McDonalds it is! I vow to have a wonderful meal for her when she gets home tonight! :O) We come home and eat... and she and I start talking about our day... (usually this is the weekend she has off but she traded places with a woman and worked an extra shift sunday) and I said frankly when asked how my day went............... I SLEPT ALL DAY.... I get this look... and I know what she is thinking even if she doesnt say it... But all she said was "Oh, so you arent going to sleep tonight..." And I quite frankly say.... Oh I'm still butt tired... We watch Cold Case at 9pm and I'm out like a light... well that lasted about 3 hours. I wake up at midnight!!!! and now at 3am I'm here blogging becuz I'm yet again wide awake and will make myself stay that way til the wife gets home from work tonight at 8pm... I just have to get back to my schedule!!! These sleeping pills are just stupid! But if I never took them I swear to you that I would NEVER sleep!

I guess what I have is known as a sleep disorder... but this is not your everyday run of the mill sleep disorder. I am different than your run of the mill person... I am scared to sleep. Yes I said it ... scared to fall asleep. This has always been an issue for me ever since I can remember. Sleeping has never come easy for me but I feel that is getting worse as I get older (and I'm only 25) I am a diagnosed Bi-polar and manic depressent (and no I do NOT take medication). While I know that I am finally to a place where I am comfortable in my life I still cant seem to just fall asleep.. and for those of you that can I am forever jealous of you! So while the wife is behind me in bed, passed out, snoring to the world, I am up catching up on emails. I know I really should take a pill.... but then my monday would disappear along with my sunday. And hence my everyday work schedule would be all screwed up and I would sleep all day and not sleep tonight... I'm not sure what makes me the way I am... and some of you may be against sleeping pills but I have to take them... If you have not realized like I stated... If i do not take a sleeping pill everyonce in a while I seriously would be up for days at a time... I have be known to stay awake for a week once... And let me tell you after a week of no sleep you really do start to see things that really arent there! It is bad for me. And yet every doctor tells me the same thing "You are screwed up in the head" Well DUH!!!!! I could have told you that! Now can I have my $700 back from this session?" So needless to say I do not go to the Dr.'s office anymore! They tell me the same things and try to give me some cracked out pill that makes me a zombie for the rest of my life. And quite frankly I am doing fine! I may bitch and moan every once in a blue moon about the fact that I am scared to fall asleep but all in all I feel that I've lived this long with the problem...what's another 25 years?

Signing off,
Sabrae Carter

No comments: