So it's been about 6 days or so since I've updated you on our progress (or should I say lack there of?) here at home. Well honestly I don't know where to begin. I love my wife with every fiber of my soul. I've done everything she has asked me to do. And yet, I get nothing from her in return but this silent treatment. Like I'm the one who did something wrong? Well I know I'm not the one who did. There are days that I just really want to leave. I want to give up. But then I'm reminded of how much I love her. How much I want this marriage to last. And there is nothing more in this world that I have worked harder at trying to save. But honestly, tell me, how much does one have to work, to toil, to love, to change for another person? She says that she loves me, but isn't in love with me. She says that in over a week since she has told me that her love for me is more like a best friend kinda love. I mean do you really keep fighting for that? Is it worth it? I mean there is something there still right? She hasn't asked me to move out and she hasn't moved out... Really in all honesty... I'm lost, cofused, and hurt and in the past two weeks have cried more than I have ever cried in my life. So that is my update for now. I guess I haven't posted mainly becuz I'm embarassed that my 'perfect' life/love/marriage isn't working out. And I really haven't wanted to bore my readers with my down and out self at the moment. I've just been working and staying to myself. Sad and pathetic. Pretty much sums it up for me right now. I mean she won't kiss me, cuddle with me, hell she won't even touch me in a way that suggests sex at all!!!! It's been frigging two months now! Yea I know TMI! But hell... I'm just wondering if any of my efforts are worth the fight anymore? What do you think? Should I leave her? I mean I don't have anywhere to go.. but I'd really rather be homeless than live this way, with someone who doesn't hold me on the pedestal that she use to...
Signing off,
Sabrae Carter
9 comments:
I don't think I could suggest to leave as that is not my place. I CAN tell you that not EVERY marriage is perfect and ideal. haha. Although, my marriage was new and exciting the first year. I remember we would say, "We've been married 1 month..." and keep going throughout the year. LOL
My marriage is not perfect. We have our ups and downs and misunderstandings, but we get THROUGH THEM. We are a TEAM. He is STUCK with me and I am with him. hehe. I couldn't imagine leaving him because I couldn't stand seeing him with someone else. I am not always happy happy joy joy in my marriage, but WHO IS?
Right now, our life is not perfect. We are living with my in-laws who have a cat (that I am allergic to). LOL My husband is unemployed and I am doing all the job hunting and work at home job. He does help watch our son, which is good.
I saw this recently in a comment, and if it was here I apologize. But, it goes something like this: A man who had been married for like 70 years was asked what their secret was. He said, "You have to be in love 100% of the time. It doesn't have to be AT THE SAME TIME, but SOMEONE in the relationship has to be in love at all times." I think this is so true. Relationships have ups and downs, you fall out of love with your partner, and you fall in again at another time. As long as you're committed to being a team, someone is going to be in love at any given time. Maybe this is just your time...
Goodness gal! I feel so much for you right now. I wish I could tell you exactly what to do and make it all better, but that is something you just have to find within yourself. Hang in there gal and spend some time meditating on it. We love you!!
I don't think anyone can answer your questions but you. Do what feels right in your heart and you can't go wrong. {{{HUGS}}}
{{HUGS}} Lots of marriages have problems and many don't survive. No need to feel like you are the lone sheep out there with marital problems. Your questions are tough ones and what's tougher yet is you are the one that has to figure out the answers. No matter what remember you have a support network out here to give you {{HUGS}} if nothing else.
I agree that it's no one's place to tell you what to do or not to do. That being said, you shouldn't have to change yourself to fit her ideal. You deserve someone that loves you for who you are without exception.
My marriage is filled with turmoil and many times, I can heed my own advice, unfortunately it's easier said than done, I know. Good luck to you.
My heart aches for you! I can remmeber the pain I felt back in Sept and Oct of 2007 and I know it has to be somewhat of what you are feeling now. It does hurt, but it will get better. I wont advise you on leaving or staying, but I agree with the other posts, do what feels right in your heart. Put yourself up on a pedestal because you deserve it! Do what YOU want and concentrate on what YOU need! Best wishes to you and we are all here for you if you need us!!! Hugs!!!!
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Give yourself lots of time, but in the end you have to follow your own instincts. If nothing seems to be changing for the better at all, well... In the end you have to decided whether you are holding on for better times or prolonging the torture. Only you can know which is the truth.
I wish I had a magic formula I could share with you to make it all feel better:) I do know (as stated by previous commenters) that marriage has many ups and downs. There are many times when one half of the couple is more commited than the other.
As a therapist in my life before kids, I would always encourage my clients to nurture themselves through these times. Really fall in love with themselves. Nothing lights a fire under the other spouse like seeing the other half living authentically!
Trust your instincts and your heart:) Be gentle with yourself.
Sending you lots of hugs...
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