I refuse to let this turn into a blog about the messes and mishaps of my 'marriage'. So instead.. I'm going to regale you with tales of my life up til now....
Like I've stated, I arrived here Monday morning after a grueling 17 hour bus ride. Wasn't so bad though as I had a companion to keep me company the entire time. We talked and laughed (as best I could). It truly was a gift just to be able to have someone to talk to in this time of my life.. And to a complete stranger that I will probably never see again, but will be held dear to my heart forever for that.
Not to much has happened really. Spent most of this time with my family. As they have been a big comfort to me. I haven't cried. Almost. But not yet. Night times are the hardest times.. Espically when I'm so use to having Amy right there beside me. But I get past it and eventually I drift.. Even if it's only for an hour or two.. I drift.
Yesterday we did manage to get out of the house.. I unfortunatlly got stuck in a car seat! Yes me! All 140lbs of me.. in a 3yr olds car seat.. Hey it was the only place for me to sit! So that made for interesting topics of conversation. I've laughed a lot.. Mom and Pop are just friggin hilarious! I've cleaned this house... Just mainly kept myself really busy.. Trained on my new platform at work so that I can make some extra money. Signed up to go back to school.. As if 3 college degree's aren't enough! LOL!!! And just have been working every chance I get.
So I don't sit around and feel pity for myself right now. I'm laughing when there is somethnig to laugh at, I'm sad when I'm sad, and I do what I can to make it thru each and every minute. And sometimes those minutes seem very hard to get thru. So then I just take it second by second. (Thanks Spark for that amazing advice.. becuz without it I'd be dying on the inside) And it's all I can do right now.
Yes I have talked to her. Yes we have talked about me coming home. She has expressed that she still does love me, still does care. But that she needs this time to reflect on this whole situation, and get her head together. And has stated that she will come and bring me home, she just doesn't know when. I don't pretend to understand. Becuz, well, I don't. But I told her that true, real, unconditional love waits. How long it will wait? I don't know. I can't say that for sure. But right now my heart and my soul need reparing. And I have to do what is best for me to pick the pieces up and try to just get on with it second by second minute by minute.
I've watched tons of movies.. More zombie movies than I ever care to watch again tho! (Mom has an obsession with Zombie movies)
And that is where I am at right now..
Last night my sister Angel and her two kids stayed along with Sammy and her daughter and my sister's 'boyfriend'. So it was a full house.. We listened to YouTube and watched the kids dance around and laughed.... It helps to stay active to keep your mind from the 'what if's ' that will eventually kill you if you dwell on them.. And if I don't keep busy... I dwell.
Honestly I don't know if this has all really hit the reality for me or not.. Could be why I haven't cried yet...