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Thursday, October 9, 2014

Shit my husband says.... and YES he's still alive

Ode to the husband.......

The shit you say.  Makes me think "WTF" (for those of you that don't know it means "what the fuck") at least 20 times a day.  There is NO need to leave the house and be surrounded by stupid people when I have you.  You never cease to amaze me with the words that fly out of your mouth.  What amazes me is that I've let you live this long....

Example #1

While taking a steamy shower with my husband (which is rare, and no we don't have kids) one day, I was trying to be all cute and sexy for him.... Thinking MAYBE, just MAYBE I could get a little action..... (yea, I pretty much have to beg for it at times) Well needless to say.... things went south very QUICK when he grabs my boobs and says "They needs to look up at me"
Ohhhhhh HELL TO THE NO HE DIDN'T! 

Yup, he's still alive

Example #2
This actually happened this morning....
Let me set the stage really quick....
I work 3rd shift 2 nights a week for a grocery store. Well I didn't get much sleep on the second day and had to work that night. So I was pretty tired once I got home the next morning. But for his benefit, because he asked, I stayed awake a lil longer. Finally falling asleep that day, I pretty much slept the day away! I did have to babysit for my sister in law so I was up again til about 3am last night. Needless to say, I wasn't in a mood to be awaken at 7:30 this morning...... 
Him climbing into bed trying to wake me up....
"Baby you gonna go with me?"
ME: "uhhhhhhh what time is it?"
HIM: You slept the day away yesterday.... I don't see how you are tired today... I mean what did you do? You didn't even do your chores...

Immediately my eyes snap open and I'm thinking of all the possible ways I could legally murder this man.... But alas.... I love him and he is still alive to see another day... 

*Disclaimer.... No I do not intend to murder my husband.... maybe throat punch him a few times but I'd miss him to much to actually kill him.... Just sayin. 

Oh the book I could write on him alone......
I could be rich.
Sabrae

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