So I am sooooo friggin excited to be announcing this Guest poster! She is very funny, down to earth and did I mention funny? Her name is Jessica Bern and I have had the pleasure of subscribing to her blog and videos! Let me tell you people that she is freaking FUNNY! So this is her guest post and I hope in the future that there will be more to come!
WELL, MY FRIEND, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU
I was on the phone last night with a guy friend of mine. He is in the midst of a divorce, FAITHFUL, I might add for a long 12 years, but has now decided it's time for him to date again or as he so touchingly put it, "I gotta get laid or I'm going to snap."
He was calling me from a drugstore. Apparently, he has a very hot date coming up this weekend and was confused about what condoms to buy. Having only been with one woman for so long, this was a purchase he hasn't had to make for quite some time and was very nervous.
FRIEND: So what do you think? Should I buy the large size?
JESSICA: Only you know that.
FRIEND: What if I got my size wrong and it won't stay on? How humiliatin would that be?
JESSICA: Then get the medium.
FRIEND: What if that is too small and it squeeze me and cuts off my circulation?
JESSICA: Don't they have a size chart on the back? Like pantyhose?
FRIEND: Oh my God, they've got ones that glow in the dark. That would be pretty cool don't you think?
JESSICA: Who are you going to tell her you are, Darth Vader?
FRIEND: It comes in pink and yellow. Yellow is cool.
JESSICA: It'll look like a highlighter.
FRIEND: I'll get the pink, only real men aren't afraid to wear pink, isn't that what they say?
JESSICA: Yeah but trust me that doesn't include day-glo. Look, why don't you buy a couple of different sizes, go home, and see which one fits you the best.
FRIEND: What if it's the Small? What do I do with the rest?
JESSICA: Give them to a friend.
FRIEND: Yeah, right. What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey Mike, you want these? Turns out they're to big for me?" Not going to happen. Maybe I could fill them up with water and throw them off my roof.
JESSICA: Good luck this weekend, you are going to need it.